The Lion has been quite the little cuddler lately. (And I love it!) Before naps and bedtime, he’ll just nuzzle under my chin and wrap one arm around me, (making sure the other hand is available to hold his pacifier), and rock in the rocking chair with me. It is easy for me to just sit there for a while and hold him, remembering how fast the time of a cuddly boy disappeared with LJ. It provides a wonderful opportunity to just think. In such a peaceful setting and while feeling so much love for the little guy in my arms, it is hard to think about laundry. My thoughts usually evolve into some sort of prayer. The other day, I recalled a letter that I wrote to LJ when he was little(r). The feelings expressed still hold true and so I thought I would share it here as well. If you want context, it comes right after this part of the letter.
Dear LJ (and Lion),
There is a song called “Never Alone” by Lady Antebellum and Jim Brickman that reminds me of you. The lyrics are as follows:
May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you, and heaven accept you when it’s time to go home. May you always have plenty, your glass never empty. Know in your belly, you’re never alone. May your tears come from laughing, you find friends worth having, with every year passing, they mean more than gold. May you win and stay humble, smile more than grumble, and know when you stumble, you’re never alone. Never alone…I’ll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown. Wherever you fly, this isn’t goodbye. My love will follow you, stay with you…you’re never alone. Well, I have to be honest, as much as I want it, I’m not going to promise that cold winds won’t blow. So when hard times have found you, and your fears surround you, wrap my love around you. You’re never alone.
Here is the video if you prefer
The majority of your life, you will probably have the thought of “Oh, Mom!” but maybe someday you will get it or maybe someday you will need it.
It is the last part that gets me choked up every time. I just would prefer you did not have to have any adversity. You are getting closer and closer to crawling and/or walking and I know that will lead to lots of bumps and bruises and probably some cuts and scrapes. Ugh! I have to keep reminding myself that all kids get those things and they get over it and are fine. It has caused me to think a lot about Heavenly Father’s perspective. I am sure that He is just as protective of us but also knows the importance of agency (and the inevitable associated pain and difficulty at some point in life). Please know that “when the cold winds blow” that you can always count on me loving you and cheering you on. I will do all that I can to help buffer those storms but also allow you to feel them and learn from them.
Using that same metaphor I saw a quote the other day that stated “Instead of telling God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big God is.” Remember that He can provide strength and comfort during hard times. Remember that Christ, through His suffering in Gethsamane, not only makes up for our sins but understands our trials and “bad days”. The atonement of Jesus Christ is there to give you courage and reassurance when you are faced with doing something that may be a painful or difficult but yet something you know that you need to do.
Alright, sweetheart, you will probably be waking up from your nap soon so I should sign off. Know that I just love you so much. I love you so much that when I get a bit of a break from you, (i.e. you’re asleep), I frequently look at pictures and videos of you…I just can’t get enough of you. I love the feel of your head under my chin or on my cheek. I love holding you tight. I love how you are so willing to give of your smiles and how those smiles reach your eyes. I love how you look around and it seems you see the angels that are sent to guard you. I love that you have taught me so much about the Plan of Salvation within the short 5 months you have been here. Thank you for being such a wonderful kid!